Irony?

Lately, this is the only question I'm asked: is the U.S. in another Great Depression.

Do dogs bark?

Congratulations George W. Bush. Your legacy is now complete. With economic ruin caused by rampant corporate greed (remember Enron anyone?) added to the mix of real estate market collapse, virtually every citizen of the United States of America is now worse off than she or he was 8 years ago. Quite an accomplishment. For a while there it seemed as if only middle and lower class Americans would be decimated by the insanity of your administration. But now, with the stock market crash nearly complete, pretty much everyone will get walloped by you one way or another.

Hard to believe that merely 8 years ago, the U.S. enjoyed a surplus sparked by the egalitarian prosperity of the Clinton Administration. Those billions would sure come in handy right now. Help bail out the billionaires whose greed, along with your administration's short-sighted, unfathomably bad decisions, caused the country to collapse financially in the first place.

How ironic that one of the reasons cited for Al-Qaeda choosing to bomb the Twin Towers was to topple American financial markets. Note to terrorists: No need for that. Don't bother bombing us. We can accomplish financial disaster on our own. Tax breaks for billionaires all around!

But far more disturbing than our economic woes are our wars with Afghanistan and Iraq. A part of me wonders if this financial crisis actually serves the Bush Administration and, by extension, McCain. Money worries are drowning out the weak voices of war protesters. Even college kids are more worried about the economy than the two civilizations we're wiping off the planet. Another testament to our values.

In a future post I will recap the Bush Administration's "accomplishments." If they weren't so tragic, it would be really fun.

How Would Jersey Vote?

These days I'm bombarded by questions about the presidential elections. While my caretaker, a devout liberal who votes straight democrat regardless of issues, is blissfully unaffected by the bizarre choices for vice presidential candidates, I am more discerning. Joe Biden's from Scranton, birth place of my caretaker, so he gets a pass based on my strict loyalty to my caretaker (she is my meal ticket, after all). But Sarah Palin is a choice that is beyond incomprehensible. It's downright horrifying.

Oh, I know there are those of you out there who will immediately think I'm a sexist. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was a staunch Hillary supporter (her father was born in Scranton). If I could pick anyone in the world to be president of the United States I would choose Barbara Boxer. So it's not the fact that Palin is a woman that bothers me. It's that Palin is a woman who has five children, one of whom is four months old and has health concerns. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't it seem like a woman with five kids, three of whom are quite young, would be too busy to be an effective, well-rested, sane leader of the free world when McCain drops dead 25 minutes into his term because he's ancient?

Our current vice president is scary, so maybe that's the republican strategy--choose running mates that send a clear message: if the president dies, no matter how bad things are, they can always get much, much worse.

My caretaker has only me to take care of and she barely has time to work (I know this will come as a shock, but I'm fairly high maintenance ever since I developed kidney issues). How does Sarah Palin have time to be the second in command of essentially the entire world?

I heard today that McCain and Obama are deadlocked in the most recent polls. Are you kidding me? No wonder this world is so wacky; human beings must be the stupidest creatures ever. McCain, God love him, was a prisoner of war. A hero, yes, but that qualifies him for a parade, not to be leader of a (first world) country. He has to have PTSD, right? Or maybe because of his age, he' s forgotten most of the horrors. But that would be bad too. I think Reaganomics has proven that senility is not the best quality to have in a president.

I will be traveling in France with my caretaker when the election takes place. If Barack Obama does not win, I'm seriously considering insisting that we stay there. I'm pretty sure even a republican president won't invade (western) Europe. There's not much oil in France.

Possession Obsession

Within hours of publishing my first blog entry, I received an email from someone seeking my counsel. This sweet person said she emailed rather than posting a comment directly on the blog because she couldn't figure out how to post a comment. Now, blogspot is so easy to use, a--well, a dog--could blog. But I embrace even the technologically challenged in my efforts to help as many people as possible.

Here's the email:

ciao jersey!! benissimmo!!

my yoga teacher last week read the class a line from a poem that goes like this: "and there was nothing or no one to possess"

it keeps working on me- i feel like i am constantly trying to possess something or someone. do you have any insight on how i can get out of this hole?
love-d

Dear D,
Why is your yoga teacher reading poems during class? Shouldn't she be teaching you yoga during yoga class? When you go to poetry readings, do the poets teach yoga poses? I'm baffled. I think that's the biggest mistake humans make, trying to do too much, complicating simple things, mixing things together that are fine on their own. There you were, perfectly happy in your downward dog, breathing, perhaps fantasizing about what you were going to eat for breakfast when all of sudden your happy thoughts were interruped by poetry. Now you think you're in a hole. That's just a hole lotta crap.

Besides very few holes are too big to climb out of.

Except there was this one time when I was young--about 19 months old--when I was walking on the beach with my caretaker and one of her friends. They were kibitzing away, ignoring me, when I fell into a tide-pool-like-crevice and couldn't get out. I'll admit I felt a little panicky. But, D, I was a baby and I'm a shih-tzu; my legs are, like, 6 inches long, tops. You're a grown woman; a leggy woman at that. Whatever hole you're in, just jump out.

And remember, the only "possession" worth possessing is your serenity, which is why you practice yoga. Thus the answer to your conundrum is simple: avoid poetry.

Namaste, Jersey

Grazie, Delfina

My friend, Delfina, has been urging me to start my own blog. Like so many of my friends and acquaintances, Delfina has found my advice and intuitive counseling invaluable. I wish I had a dime for every time someone has been puzzled by something in their lives and wondered, "What would Jersey do?"

Well, now that I'm able to share my experience with a wider audience, mostly what I would do is ignore everyone and everything that I don't like. Yes, it's that simple. Ignoring things that are distasteful to me is the most significant source of my happiness.

It's been said that dogs are excellent judges of character, but that's not necessarily true. Most dogs are easily distracted by treats, toys, belly rubs and other minutiae. I learned almost everything I know about discernment from cats.