How Would Jersey Vote?

These days I'm bombarded by questions about the presidential elections. While my caretaker, a devout liberal who votes straight democrat regardless of issues, is blissfully unaffected by the bizarre choices for vice presidential candidates, I am more discerning. Joe Biden's from Scranton, birth place of my caretaker, so he gets a pass based on my strict loyalty to my caretaker (she is my meal ticket, after all). But Sarah Palin is a choice that is beyond incomprehensible. It's downright horrifying.

Oh, I know there are those of you out there who will immediately think I'm a sexist. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was a staunch Hillary supporter (her father was born in Scranton). If I could pick anyone in the world to be president of the United States I would choose Barbara Boxer. So it's not the fact that Palin is a woman that bothers me. It's that Palin is a woman who has five children, one of whom is four months old and has health concerns. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't it seem like a woman with five kids, three of whom are quite young, would be too busy to be an effective, well-rested, sane leader of the free world when McCain drops dead 25 minutes into his term because he's ancient?

Our current vice president is scary, so maybe that's the republican strategy--choose running mates that send a clear message: if the president dies, no matter how bad things are, they can always get much, much worse.

My caretaker has only me to take care of and she barely has time to work (I know this will come as a shock, but I'm fairly high maintenance ever since I developed kidney issues). How does Sarah Palin have time to be the second in command of essentially the entire world?

I heard today that McCain and Obama are deadlocked in the most recent polls. Are you kidding me? No wonder this world is so wacky; human beings must be the stupidest creatures ever. McCain, God love him, was a prisoner of war. A hero, yes, but that qualifies him for a parade, not to be leader of a (first world) country. He has to have PTSD, right? Or maybe because of his age, he' s forgotten most of the horrors. But that would be bad too. I think Reaganomics has proven that senility is not the best quality to have in a president.

I will be traveling in France with my caretaker when the election takes place. If Barack Obama does not win, I'm seriously considering insisting that we stay there. I'm pretty sure even a republican president won't invade (western) Europe. There's not much oil in France.